The temperature outside my room is 40 degrees. The temperature inside my room is also the same. but I have a new, little expensive, cooler to my rescue. Its almost 3.30 pm, the afternoon is in its full glory…Delhi summers are excruciating, to say the least. Our hostel still has water though, which I feed into my cooler so that I stay alive while a few hostels in the campus have already run dry of water almost like certain cities of my country.
I ought to light a cigarette, but for now, I think I will give it a miss. My friend is taking her afternoon nap, I wish I could too. I can actually, I just don’t want to. I have read a few research papers since yesterday, I should be writing them down, but I have been kinda lazy and a little ‘social media’ distracted. As a research scholar, we still have the luxury to be distracted sometimes, as long as we meet our deadlines. Unlike corporate workers or other professionals, we don’t necessarily have to sit in an office or travel to work every day. It makes sense then to pay us the meager amount we get as non-JRFs or to ignore our voices in the larger context. We are research scholars of social sciences, like what do we actually contribute to the society or ourselves, right?
I have a dissertation to complete, an exam to prepare for. I also have responsibilities towards my people, I have loyalties to keep up with and relationships to maintain. I also have my personal demons to fight and I have to keep up a social media appearance as well. And while doing all these, I also have to appear normal the best I can. But so do every person I know. So we are all ordinary people in the rat race of the homo sapiens.
We are living in the twenty-first century. There are no new ideas anymore, or so I think. Let me tell you while I think so, because if you read so far into this blog of mine and have started thinking ‘is Nayani high at 3.30 pm in the afternoon?’, I need to clarify that I haven’t been intoxicated in a while. But I have always been weird, and this is one of my another weird afternoon. And in my weird yet socially constructed notions about our current generations, I have certain observations which I am going to share with you. Here it goes-
-You see, we are living in a time where there is nothing new anymore. Every lie has been told before, every truth has been covered by lies before. Every love story has already been lived and every fuck-story, well all the positions have already been discussed. Every thought that comes in our head is constructed by the thoughts and ideas of the generations of the human race before us. Every realm of the society have been discovered, inventions and discoveries have been exhausted, we have only ‘innovations’ now. Every experience we have is not our generation’s alone…every fuck-up we make has already been fucked-up before. Every research is a compilation and reorganization of previous works, and every article is based on references alone. Every career choice has been made before and well, all the roads too, have been traveled. Every heartbreak is a reenactment of the primal desires, and every crime a reminder of our tribal instincts. Every drug and all the highs have been around from before we were born, and every new drug is a combination of the old ones our oldies smoked. Every beat of any music you hear has been played before and every dance move you know has been danced before. We have nothing new to discover, nothing new to contribute. All we are doing is living and continuing what has continued from before us.
Am I sad about who we are? Nah, I am as much as a rat in this race that everyone else is. My inability to fit in this crowd is nothing unique to me, my depression doesn’t entitle me to any special treatment, my intelligence or marks doesn’t make me outstanding, and my writing here doesn’t make me a goddamn exceptional writer either. My beauty is insignificant as every other female we know, and my bluntness and claim of truth are as hypocritical as everyone else across the world.
Sitting on the floor, typing on a 50K laptop, sharing posts on the social media to express my societal concern while my lungs scream at me to quit smoking and to lose the extra weights…I can imagine myself as a forlorn writer from some novel or movie. But I am no exception, and neither are you.
A sad generation, that’s all who we are.